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The First Rule of Reality-Competition Shows...
Thursday, October 19, 2006 | posted by Mike

Top Chef…is that you do not talk about reality-competition shows. Sorry, I’m thinking of Fight Club.

No, the first rule of reality-competition shows is:
Don’t bother trying to figure it out for at least three weeks. Just enjoy the pretty colors.
I watched the season premier of Top Chef last night (thanks, Bravo, for the 11:00 pm start time!) and it basically confirmed three things that we already knew.
  1. Padma Lakshmi is good looking.

  2. There will be a “villain” on the show this season. In fact, you could even vote on who it’s going to be by text messaging your choice to blah, blah, blah...

  3. About 75% of the contestants on this type of show are the equivalent of the red-suited Away Team members on Star Trek. They are completely devoid of distinguishing characteristics and destined for an early departure. In other words, don’t bother to learn their names.
I really won’t have the patience or memory recall to be able to sort out who is who until we winnow the crowd down a bit. Feel free to dish in the comments if you feel strongly about anything that happened.

We spent a grand total of about three minutes before we jumped into our first competition, in which everyone had to flambé a dish. It’s good to know that I’m officially more qualified than one of the contestants because I’m aware of the fact that you don’t flambé with red wine. I would say that her time on the show would be a “flash in the pan,” but, alas, there was no flash in her pan.

I’m not sure if you saw the episode or not, but the one with the ridiculous hair was eliminated. What’s that? You didn’t see it and I’m a jerk for ruining it? Trust me, the final elimination included three out of four contestants with ridiculous hair, so that really wasn’t a spoiler.

Soon-to-Be Mrs. TVFF.com watches America’s Next Top Model at 8:00, which is basically Top Chef with couture instead of cuisine. Now we have TC moving to 10:00. Not the most nutritious bread for my Lost sandwich, but it will do.



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